Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
