I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize