When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
