I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
