Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
