i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
