I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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