I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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