i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
