Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
