I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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