I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
