1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
