My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
