she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
