you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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