I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
