he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
