why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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