Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
