FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
