Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
