when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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