He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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