what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
