How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
