All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I smell stomach acid.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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