if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
