when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
