peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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