CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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