Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
