I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
