i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
