I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
