Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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