I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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