WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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