I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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