We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
