I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
