dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
