i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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