Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
