Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
