im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
