Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
