my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
