Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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