I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
