He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
