Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
