Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Enjoy the penises
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
