i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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