Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
