You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
