Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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