I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
