Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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