That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
