Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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