I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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