She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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