I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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