if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
